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[tarigwaemir]

Lowell House, on the Feast of St. Turibius de Mogrovejo

My knee continues to bug me. I've stopped limping, but I feel a strange "click" somewhere to the left of my kneecap whenever I take a step, and somehow it causes this spot in my lower back to twinge. I think it's just the swelling under the bruise, but I really wish it would go away because it creeps me out. >_<

ladydaera pretty much sums up my view on the Summers controversy here. (For those who have no idea what I mean by "Summers controversy", the university faculty have passed a no-confidence vote on President Summers in an unprecedented show of dissatisfaction last Tuesday.) I have to admit that I was disappointed and felt just a little bit betrayed when Summers made his tactless comments on women in science, but as Daera says, this vote isn't about women or science, but university power politics. And it's a little disgusting. I think Summers' repeated apologies have been sincere, and although his leadership style is a bit crude, I do agree with his vision for the university.

Yesterday, I read some excerpts from Henri Nouwen's The Genesee Diary, which reminded me of the need for perspective:

"I explained to John Eudes that I felt somewhat free from my compulsions. Normally, when I receive many letters I complain that I am too busy, and when I receive none I complain about lack of attention; when I work a lot I complain about lack of time to study and pray, when I work little I feel guilty for not making a contribution. In this sense I very much confirmed the vision of the French chaplain who, after fifteen years of hearing confessions, had learned two things: 'People are not very happy and we never grow up.' But during the past few weeks I have felt an inner distance which has allowed me to see my compulsions and therefore to lose them, and I have experienced some new inner freedom.

"John Eudes showed me how much my compulsive behavior could be seen as part of a way of being in which everything is experienced in terms of an 'ought.' I ought to be here, I ought to think such and such, etc. This way of being has many levels and tocuhes many aspects of the personality. But when I am able to start seeing some of its symptoms from a certain distance and recognize them as symptoms of the 'ought' compulsion, then I can slowly go all the way down to its roots and choose another way of relating to the world.

"As John Eudes pointed out, the 'ought modality' is closely tied up with the identity struggle. As long as I am constantly concerned about what I 'ought' to say, think, do, or feel, I am still the victim of my surroundings and am not liberated. I am compelled to act in certain ways to live up to my created self-image."

Some words to meditate on, as I take a breather during Spring Break. Have not been happy with myself over the past few weeks, namely because I've been living "compulsively".

Also, I'm hugely sleep-deprived. Well, truth be told, I've gone on less sleep before, but this year, I've become incapable of staying awake past midnight. (Well, staying awake and functioning, that is.)

Yours &c.

Comments

[faeryetale.livejournal.com]

I don't know--I agree with ladydaera also, but I think that if he genuinely wants to see if men are better at math/science than women, then let them find out. I mean, I don't know what he said, so I don't know if his comments were condenscending against women or whatnot, but I feel that things like this don't degrade women. It just shows that we're different. I don't know. Once men cross the line into, "I'm superior" then I'm iffy. But why is this subject taboo? If this is simply a search for a truth, then I'm all for it. (XD Can you tell I'm not a feminist? Personally though, I think that women are smarter than men. XDXDXD)

[troisroyaumes]

Well, Summers was commenting on the skewed gender ratio in science, and he said that women tend to be more concerned about childbearing than their careers and that there is research suggesting that men are innately better at high performance in science and math. Which is perhaps an issue worth discussing, but it's incredibly gauche coming from a university president who has a huge (overachieving) female student population concentrating in the sciences. It's also incredibly gauche because Harvard has the worst track record out of all the major Ivy institutions for offering tenure to female scientists. The thing is, someone in Summers' position cannot make statements concerning education or academia as a private individual, any more than the president of the U.S. can make statements about political issues as a private individual.

But despite these problems, both Daera and I think that the whole no-confidence vote is stupid. Summers has done so much to promote science at this university, and the faculty is seizing on this excuse to create a commotion instead genuinely talking about tenure for women (which is a really important issue, at least for me, since it will affect whether I get a job in the future or not ^_^;;).

[faeryetale.livejournal.com]

::nodnod:: I see. The thing I have a problem with is that they're not discussing the real issue, like you said, instead, they're making a fuss about him and not the issue.

What are you studying? ::is curious::

[troisroyaumes]

I'm studying biochemical sciences. ^_^;; Which is the reason why I ramble on and on in a half-educated fashion about molecular evolutionary biology a lot. XD

[faeryetale.livejournal.com]

o_______o Wow. Man. I'm like, failing my Biology class right now, so you're my hero. XD

[ladydaera.livejournal.com]

you must tell me more about this book. this is a fascinating excerpt, and i think i'm going to meditate on it now as well. it's not entirely applicable in reality, what he says, because part of our compulsion is caused by our endless pursuit of future goals, but there's definitely some truth in it. *goes off to ponder and sleep*

[troisroyaumes]

Heh, yes, it really does relate to our lives doesn't it? And in a sense, our "endless pursuit of future goals" can also part of the "ought modality" because they are also obligations that we place on ourselves because of who we think we should be as science concentrators, as Harvard students, as the children of our immigrant parents, etc.

I don't know if you would necessarily enjoy the rest of the book because it's actually a diary kept by Henri Nouwen, a Catholic priest, while he was on retreat away at a Trappist monastery in the Genesee valley, so most of it is about his personal spiritual life. But he also has a doctorate in psychology and has a lot of insights that I think would resonate for anyone, religious or not.

[lush-rimbaud.livejournal.com]

*pokes you*

I'm sorry, this has nothing to do with your post, but do you think you might be in Boston having any free time on the weekend of April 1? I should be coming up there that weekend with the Creative Writing Forum. I miss you.

I hope your knee feels better soon!

[troisroyaumes]

;_; My school has the worst timing. I'll be in New York that weekend because it's my Spring Break. ::sniffles:: My vacation doesn't overlap with anyone's!

I miss you too. It seems we haven't talked in forever...;_;

[lush-rimbaud.livejournal.com]

Oh, well. The trip just got cancelled anyway, but unless I get in trouble, I should be able to come in for that Saturday. Maybe I could see you then? ^_^