Of imaginary beasts

[tarigwaemir]

Lowell House, on the Feast of Ste. Brigid

Oh my gosh. Why didn't I realize the existence of the Naxos Music Library sooner? Ahhh! I could have gone there to preview full opera recordings instead of painstakingly listening to the 20-second previews on Amazon! It has at least five different versions of every major classical work I've ever liked! And let's not even speak of its extensive world/folk music section! It even has Korean traditional music. I finally got to hear 청성자진한잎 (daegeum solo piece) again! *_*

Ugh, I can't believe it took me until spring semester of senior year to realize we had this resource available. -_- I suppose that's what happens when you postpone taking a music class to your last semester. (But I was trying to save the best for last!)

In other news, the first issue of imaginarybeasts is up, with the inaugural (and eponymous) theme of "Imaginary Beasts". (I haven't gotten around to reading all the stories yet, but the ones I have finished are quite fabulous. Go read right now!)

Infoblurb: imaginarybeasts is an online original fiction 'zine (much like bb_shousetsu) for genre writing. You should also sign up for the March issue, since the theme is "Love Story".

I didn't sign up to write for the first issue, so I promised myself to write for the second one. Of course, the only problem is, how does one write a love story? I always feel like a fraud whenever I write about a romantic relationship because I've never experienced one myself. (Usual train of thought when posting any sort of 'ship fic: "Agh, I hope the reader can't tell that I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about!") Of course, I can always draw on fiction for inspiration, but...surely that's not the way it happens in real life? I see dozens of couples out on the street everyday, and I doubt they all met through the usual contrived situations that occur in shoujo manga and Korean dramas.

So, tell me: how did/do you fall in love? How did/does someone fall in love with you? How does the transition from being two separate individuals to having a relationship happen? (You can comment anonymously if you prefer.)

(Of course, I probably will end up writing an elaborately outrageous and cliché story à la K-drama, but I'm curious nonetheless.)

Yours &c.

Comments

[angrybabble.livejournal.com]

hmm, love? I guess it's different for everyone. So unless your story is just painfully fake I don't think anyone will be all "oh this is such BS" because it's hard to say. For me, romance/love were always really low-key... like friendship that was ramped up another level. There is a difference between the two, I guess, but to me it's rather indefinable. That also is how I tend to write it. For other people (like my ex, lol? and some of my friends) it is this passionate and dynamic feeling entirely unlike "friendship" which makes you do dumb things and get all melodramatic and stuff. XD I don't grasp it but it's sort of fun to watch (from the outside if at all possible >_>).

of course I'm bad at startng relationships too so any advice I'd have on that front would be terrible. XD it generally requires SOMEONE to be assertive, and I'm not, so. ^^;;

when I started writing this comment I had something specific to tell you but now I've forgotten whatever it was. >_>;

[troisroyaumes]

I usually try to write about love as a more intense version of friendship as well, but I've seen so many people who go through the melodramatic version that I've always wondered if I wasn't getting things horribly wrong. ^_^;; I also never really get to hear how the relationship formed; mostly I find out about people's relationships after they've already become a couple (and sometimes after they've already broken up). XD So it's a bit of a mystery to me how the process occurs in real life.

It does seem like a lot of initiative is required at least on one side unless there are external circumstances forcing the two people together. But how do people take initiative? Do people really go about confessing their love/crush/affection these days or is that something that only happens in schoolgirl manga? XD Sometimes the whole process sounds like two people dancing blindfolded, trying to grope for each other in the dark, hoping that their hands will happen to meet. I think the probability of that happening seems really low, and yet clearly the success rate is higher than that.

Hee, let me know if you remember what you had to tell me. ^_^

this time with less italics

[(Anonymous)]

1. I agreed to go out with this guy on a trial basis but to be honest I wasn't very impressed with him. He was awkward, in a lot of ways...very quiet and kind of slobbery. I felt like I was always doing all of the talking. We hung out with this other couple that were a lot further along than we were -- also awkward -- and I just kind of went along with it. Then on the last day (this was a summer program) he gave this speech and it was SO smart and funny and touching and AMAZING.

Looking back, I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. I liked him a lot better after that and we kept in touch long-distance for a long time, though I don't think I ever loved him outside of that one instant.

2. I mostly didn't love numbers two through seven, either, though I was attached to number two

(Funny story: The day after I got my license I drove to his house -- we were going to see Queen of the Damned -- in the rain. I got there alright even after making a left turn onto the highway (when I told my mother this afterward, she freaked) but I pulled out of the driveway too close to another car and and in the ensuing collision, lost the front bumper. And my composure. -_-; Then the guy says: just duct tape it back on, we can still make it! :D)

and number four was...he was too good for me. ^^; His mother had done some pretty bad drugs and he spoke with a slight slur, but he was really smart and thoughtful. And HOT *_* he had this thing where he'd look up from a book with his glasses on and GUH. He never wore the glasses either, it was such a shame, he looked so good in them, but he hated them. The only times he'd wear them were to read or when he was losing a game of pool. I got VERY good at pool that year. We broke up mostly because I couldn't believe we were dating -- I kept wondering what he saw in me, and finding excuses not to spend time with him because I was convinced he'd break up with me. Which, of course, eventually happened. -_-;

3. I was at a party with this really dubious guy I'd met the day before. He was kind of average-looking and about as good at making conversation as I am, which is to say, not very. He also had this very weird habit of picking up other people's accents when he was nervous. Anyway, we were at this party, one thing lead to another, and I found out he had nipple rings. o_O I was a little freaked out so I made some excuse, I can't remember what, and we went back downstairs. He left a little while after and I've never heard from him again.

Meanwhile back at the party M's friend from freshman year was totally wasted. I mean he was gone. I think he and his girlfriend had just broken up? He's never had a high tolerance anyway. After the nipple-ring guy left he made some advances and...I was torn. XD; because I'd always liked him. But he was drunk. And rebounding. And he'd seen me go upstairs with this other guy! So I turned him down, and thought that would be the end of it.

But he came by again a few days later. We did homework together that night and the next, and by the end of the week we were going out. And...you know what, I never talk about this kind of stuff, so I don't really know how much to say. But I had never been so much in love. Everything was amazing (except for me -- I was a total lovestruck idiot fool 24/7). He had a single room ^^; I also had my own room. We spent a LOT of time together. We also went to a lot of concerts. He was a music major. Former WoW-er. Biracial. VERY THIN. And beautiful. *_*

Anyway, I really loved him a lot, but after maybe three months it became apparent that we probably weren't going to work out: he was still in love with his old girlfriend, and I liked girls better.

I mean, I like both, but girls more, and this was a pretty physical relationship so it was kind of glaringly OBVIOUS and only became more so the longer things went on.

We parted on good terms. I don't regret anything...but number ten, if there is one, will be female.

I wonder whether you'll know who I am? (In my opinion there are) TOO MANY INCRIMINATING DETAILS HERE.

Re: this time with less italics

[troisroyaumes]

Wow, thank you so much for sharing! It's really interesting to hear these stories from real people. ^_^ I've listened to people talk about their relationships, but usually while they were still in them, not in retrospective, and also with considerable reticence, so it's actually rather enlightening to read this sort of perspective.

[noble-scarlet.livejournal.com]

Wow, good question.... And as someone who fancies herself in love every other month, I have no idea why it stumped me. I'll get back to you, Tari-san. ^_^ I'll try to remember.

[troisroyaumes]

Thanks! Please feel free to come back to comment any time. XD

[schwimmerin.livejournal.com]

I get the sense that for a lot of guys it's more a physical response, but that may be an unfair assessment. At any rate, pretty much every guy who's liked me in real life (who knows if that counts as love) has attributed it to my physical appearance (again, granted, this was a while ago).

For me, I almost never fall in love for someone's appearance (I can't think of a time where I have, but I don't want to say "never" in case I've forgotten something). I guess it's different depending on the personalities involved - I'm usually impressed by the guy intellectually or because he's funny or sweet or caring (I would say D. is really all of the above). Able to bolster my confidence, be gentle, and just fun to talk to. I think it's something I tend to notice develop over time, not a "love at first sight" kind of thing. As you get to know the person and like more and more things about them, it sort of happens without you noticing.

As for the relationship thing, I don't think it's mutually exclusive to be in a relationship and still be a separate individual (at least, I hope not! It's always been part of my conceptions about these things that a healthy balance between individuality and commitment to the other person is necessary for a stable relationship). I get the sense that in most cases it's sort of a mutual agreement, not always spoken, that you will take time and energy for the other person and their needs, and be a little more selfless.

Hope that helps.

[troisroyaumes]

Yes, I assume for most guys it's a physical response as well, although I think we tend to exaggerate this difference because clearly boys are equally capable of the irrational emotional infatuation that girls go through. (I am reminded of a certain high school classmate who insisted that his crush was his "intellectual and emotional soulmate".)

To be honest, I tend to like guys who are nice to me, except of course my interpretation of "nice" is a bit weird and pretty narrow. Anyway, it's interesting that you say it normally happens gradually without you noticing! A very healthy tendency, I think...although there seem to be a lot of people out there who pine after people they've never even spoken to. (How does that work out, I've always wondered? I mean, clearly they do end up interacting if they do successfully get into a relationship, but the dynamic must be different when the emotion preceded the interaction rather than having grown naturally out of it.)

Well, of course it's not mutually exclusive to be in a relationship and still be a separate individual. My question was more along the lines of how do you get to the point where you are in a relationship and specifically a romantic one? I mean, you must acknowledge that there's a clear difference between the state of being entirely mentally separate from the other and the state where the other is no longer other but has become a part of you, so to speak, part of the mental terrain of your daily life. You can still--and should, I believe, in order to be mentally healthy--retain autonomy, but there is still a qualitative difference in who you are.

Basically, I was wondering about the trajectory. I've seen people in relationships, and I've seen people want to be in relationships, but I've never seen a relationship form. What are the dynamics? ::proceeds to become extremely dorky:: Is it linear, with the measure of closeness between two individuals increasing at a constant and steady rate? Is it a hyperbolic curve (like a simple Michaelis-Menten equation), a closeness that increases then slows down and gradually reaches steady state? Is it a sigmoidal curve, switching from one state to another in one rapid moment? (Yes, you may now feel free to make fun of me for the rest of your life for attempting to describe human relationships mathematically.)

I guess what I'm looking for are the stories. Where is the story behind a real relationship? I firmly believe there must be one, even for the most ordinary-seeming people.

[ladydaera.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh, this is why I adore you, Hana. This has to go on my all-time favorites quotes list, which doesn't exist, but by golly, I'm going to remember this one! Because, actually, I think all three curves are really apt ways to describe different people's relationships, and possibly even to describe a single relationship over time.

As you said before, from the outside, relationships tend to look like they fall in two categories - either a closer form of friendship or the crazy melodramatic version - but I think if you were to observe their development over time they would all more or less follow somewhat linear curves up to the moment of actual confession, at which point they could either continue being linear or undergo a sigmoidal switch. And the hyperbolic curve sounds like it describes marriages or other long-term relationships very well, once the relationships are established.

Most recently for me, with Boy, it has been a linear curve, but of course we're nowhere near a relationship, besides which we've been sadly neglecting each other for some weeks now. *looks amused* Our confessional moment was more of a confession that we didn't know whether the curve could proceed, so perhaps we shouldn't pursue any at all. And the one before that was linear for a long time, and then sigmoidal in a bad bad way, and then hyperbolic to a steady non-relationship state...

[troisroyaumes]

<3 Just to say that it's always reassuring to know that you'll appreciate my dorkery. XD (Also, it's really useful to think of the confession as the "switch" point, as you pointed out here. I was trying to outline my plot for this very story yesterday and that helped a lot. ^_^)

[lacewood]

Thanks for the pimp! <3 And I can't wait to see your KDRAMA story. XDDDD

And well, having never fallen in love myself or played first hand witness to the process, I can't really say either. >_> I tend to assume that the process in RL is completely awkward and stupid and not at all romantic but hey! Fiction! You can do anything in fiction! Including... be awkward and retarded and compeletly not romantic. Or be sweeping and epic and mad, ahaha.

*doesn't actually have a point* (I am also pretty sure that me + love = DISASTER, so yeah, that too...)

[troisroyaumes]

You're welcome! XD

And very true, sweeping and epic and mad sounds like a very good option to me. XD Of course when your only source of information is fiction, you start getting a really skewed perspective on things. E.g. from my Gtalk conversation with a friend last night:

me: all it means is that I have no idea how couples really get together in real life XD
me: my base of knowledge:
me: 1) poor girl in rich school, is first to stand up to rich bastard and hence catches his attention
agape.angel: LMFAO
agape.angel: i dun think that really happens >_>
agape.angel: no matter how much one may wish it
me: 2) girl cross-dresses and enters all-boys school where she ends up as roommate to boy she likes
me: 3) they fell in love in CHILDHOOD and despite the CRUEL SEPARATION, they NEVER forgot their FATED love for each other~~~ (you know where that one's from)
agape.angel: i like the #3 story line
agape.angel: its sweet xD
me: 4) some sort of deal where one person acts as a fake significant other for the other person turns into a real romantic relationship
agape.angel: lol
me: 5) girl and boy don't get along but their continual fighting/bickering is really a coverup for the underlying romantic tension which exposes itself when one or the other is drunk or forgets him/herself (resulting in inadvertent confession or kiss)
me: I actually really hate the whole "confess when you're drunk" scenario
me: it's so stupid
me: and it's /used so often/
me: WHYYYY
me: ohhhh wait, let me not forget!
agape.angel: yea
agape.angel: i dun like that one either... its not realistic enough (if any of them could be realistic)
me: 6) social outcast girl longs after popular boy (or vice versa), undergoes fabulous makeover where she catches his eye
me: THEY ARE ALL UNREALISTIC

Sometimes I think my entire plot-writing modus operandi is a giant game of Choose Your Cliché. XD

[lacewood]

I never go for the epic and sweeping option, it is... not in me. ;_; So I have to go for DUMBASSERY ALL DA WAI.

HAHAHA. omg I think 3 is so ridiculous WHO FALLS IN LOVE/HAS THEIR ROMANTIC DESTINY SET IN STONE WHEN THEY ARE TEN WHAT THE HELL. XDDDD

And oh man I am very tired of 5 and the bickering = true love gig. >_> This is partly why IR annoys me as a ship, I think? XD

(I, um, suspect that I create ships a little like Caroline Stevermer, but SLIGHTLY less randomly... XD)

[petronia.livejournal.com]

...You know, out of all of these I'd say 5) was the most realistic XD (happens in RL more than you'd think - although in manga both participants are usually clueless, whereas in RL they tend to be aware but in denial), followed at a distance by 4).

In real life it usually begins with a friendly agreement to go out and do something together (have drinks, attend a concert, grab a bite, study, etc.), and once you're alone together the mutual vibe (if such exists) makes itself clear in an intuitive way - you pick up on the fact that the other person is attracted to you in the same way as you'd pick up on them being stressed or happy. If it gets to the point where one person has to screw themselves up to make an announcement-type confession it's often because the other person doesn't want to know, unfortunately. ^^;

[troisroyaumes]

Whoa, really? I see 5) all the time in fanfic, and it seems like such a gimmicky device. Hm, I guess it means people write more from life than I expected. ^_^

I did think the usual process must be based on intuition, since emotional self-revelation opens you up to considerable vulnerability, but it still seems to require difficult maneuvering from both parties. I guess I just feel a bit surprised that people manage it so often in real life. It seems easier in fiction to rely on contrived external circumstances to bring two people together instead.

[(Anonymous)]

The way I've always come into relationships (admittedly not that many times) is like this:

1. I'm friends with a guy.
2. He keeps talking to me and inviting me to things, which makes me suspect that he likes me. I ask myself whether I like him enough to go out with him but don't come up with a firm answer.
3. Eventually he says something like, "I have a question for you. We've known each other for a while, and..." (yep, they still do sit you down and make cheesy confessions)
4. I say something wishy-washy like, "Maybe we can try it out for a while?"
5. Hopefully Love Grows.
6. He asks me, "So, are we official?" and I give my answer.

I hate talking about my feelings and I'm very indecisive. There's pretty much no way I'll end up with someone unless he takes the initiative. There have been a couple of guy friends I've been interested in who I've never tried going after because I'm shy. Not to mention a couple of really hot guys on the bus...that would just be lame. :p

I don't think I've ever really been in love. I figure that if I ever do fall in love, it'll happen gradually. And it'll come about while I'm in a relationship, not before we decide to go out. It's not very dramatic, but that's just the kind of person I am.

[troisroyaumes]

Ah, that's rather insightful. I didn't know that guys actually made confessions, although given the difficulty of reading people's emotions, I suppose there is no better way of letting one's feelings be known. ^_^ I agree though that being in love should develop over the relationship. I know there are people who fall in love before a relationship ever forms, but I don't think that's the sort of emotion that sustains the relationship. Thank you for sharing!