Weekly kendo talk, monthly bout of introspection

[tarigwaemir]

Lowell House on the Feast of Ste. Scholastica

Whew! Feeling deliciously tired. I really ought to attempt to get some work done this afternoon before schwimmerin and I go off to get wined and dined by the MIT biology department, but I'm in the mood to curl up in bed with a good book instead.

Zach and Brian have upped the ante at practices this week (more suburi, more uchikomi, and the introduction of kakari-geiko), which has definitely increased the level of intensity as well as underscored just how out-of-shape I am. >_> Argh, I thought my lungs were going to collapse on me yesterday. It was a little easier today, but I was chagrined to find that I couldn't keep up with the pace of hayasuburi. Jeff told me that I should relax my wrists. I'm not sure how though. If I relax my wrists completely, wouldn't the shinai just flop? Or am I supposed to relax on the upswing? -_- Still, I think I've gotten a little better at hayasuburi this year; my shoulders don't tense up like they used to.

I felt I was kind of struggling just to stay on my feet throughout most of yesterday's practice, so I had terrible form for most of it. But for some strange reason, I had pretty decent large kote-men when I was feeling especially tired. Maybe because the fatigue kept me more relaxed than usual? Also, I tried out a tip from Kuboh-sensei about turning your right hand in and pushing it up against the tsuba to increase control during kote-men, and it really worked: I hit much closer on target than I usually do. I tried it again today, but I guess I wasn't relaxed enough because it wasn't as successful.

Today's practice was less about stamina and more about seme, so there was a lot of tsuki and small men drills. It's a lot less nervewracking to receive tsuki when you know that your chin guard isn't broken. ^_^ Also, dang, Brian has killer tsuki; he nailed me in the throat exactly almost all five times. I suspect Ong would have as well but for some reason he kept holding back whenever he was up against me in drills. Which was a little infuriating. Okay, no, a lot infuriating. >_< Not sure why because he didn't do that last year. Most of the guys in the club don't go easy on me, but there are a few who occasionally do. I hope it's unconscious because I don't see how they think I wouldn't be able to tell. Sheesh, I spent all of last year observing the entire club; I know what everyone's capable of. There's nothing more discouraging than practicing with someone who isn't trying or taking you seriously.

Jigeiko yesterday with Jenn and Kofi. I think I wasted too much time trying to hit kote on Jenn. Also, I really should keep practicing hiki-men in jigeiko; I get discouraged because I rarely ever hit it unless I'm going up against someone much slower, but that shouldn't stop me from practicing it. The trouble I always have with hiki-men is the timing; I strike so slowly that my opponent can always block me. A part of that is the issue of finding the right distance too. Hm. Anyway, match with Kofi was, haha, rather sad on my part. Got thrown to the ground twice, had trouble breaking Kofi's center, did not have enough energy to keep attacking. -_- Oh well. I probably wouldn't have gotten pushed around so much if I hadn't been so out-of-breath, but argh, one of these days, I'm going to figure out how to deal with a physically stronger opponent and not get exhausted. (After all, how else is one supposed to confront the bulldozers at the Shoryuhai?)

Jigeiko today with lawnmower_elf, as promised for her return to the dojo. It was tons of fun because we cheerfully tried our best to kill each other. ^_^ I haven't had such fun in jigeiko in a while. Also, Eva always keeps you on your toes because she's such an energetic opponent and has lots of kiai. UG also gave us advice throughout the match, which was pretty nice of her. Main points: (1) don't land on the heel during fumikomi (i.e. don't focus on the right foot but on the right thigh lunging forward), (2) attack instead of blocking.

Noticed that I kept leaning forward today. Really need to fix posture, especially lower back and shoulders.

Going through stupid bout of social anxiety of having to attend first non-kendo-related party for the first time since freshman year tonight. -_- Well, specifically a party that is not a dance or a dinner event attended by faculty. Initially, I wasn't worried since I thought that schwimmerin would be there as well so I could just cling to her like a leech, but it seems that we might end up in different places since we have different student hosts. For the record, I can initiate conversations with people I don't know...I just feel awfully exhausted and stressed out afterwards. Wow, that does make me sound maladjusted. (...Does it ever strike you as somewhat frustrating though? You put all this effort in introducing yourself and getting to know people as best you can through artificial small talk, and 99% of the time, it never even develops into a deeper acquaintance, much less a meaningful friendship. I suppose if you had a more extroverted personality that didn't see each social interaction as a significant investment of mental and emotional energy, the whole cost-benefit comparison wouldn't seem so bad, but from my perspective, it really does seem, well, kind of farcical at times. Of course, let's not speak of the other side of the coin, which is the inability to remain indifferent to being left out or alone.)

You know, it also strikes me as somewhat ridiculous that I'm worrying over having to interact with people I've never met before at a party for graduate student recruits at MIT. I mean, grad students! MIT! I will be surrounded by people who are more than likely to have the same hang-ups about socializing...why on earth am I worried? -_-

Yours &c.

Post-script: On a completely different note, the new "gifts" feature on Facebook? How much do you want to bet that they copied that from LiveJournal? ^_^ (Even the price is about the same!) Oddly enough, it seems to be fairly popular judging by how many items on my news feed are about people receiving gifts. I wonder, is the uselessness of a feature inversely proportional to its trendiness?

Comments

[unrequitedangst.livejournal.com]

Aww, I don't think you have too much to worry about. Compared to some (okay, a lot) of the people in this here part of town, you will be a social butterfly. *g* But I completely agree with you about the cost-benefit analysis of socializing. It seems as though it ought not to be something that even comes into consideration--except that it sort of does, particularly when I'd rather read or listen to music instead.

I'm tutoring tonight, otherwise I'd come over and say hi, but if you or schwimmerin get lost on campus, feel free to give me a call and I'll try to give directions. ^^;

[troisroyaumes]

Whew, I'm not the only one then. ^_^;;

We'll be at MIT on Monday too, for the actual interviews, so maybe I'll run into you then? We will probably be wandering around the biology department all day.

[unrequitedangst.livejournal.com]

Sure, that'd be awesome! I'll be in the lab most of tomorrow afternoon, so we should definitely try meeting up. Are they providing lunch for you?

[troisroyaumes]

Yay! They're providing lunch, but I have "free periods" scheduled from 1:25-1:55 and 2:45-3:15. Maybe I can call you then?

[unrequitedangst.livejournal.com]

That'd be great. ^__^

[moderntime.livejournal.com]

As someone who is pretty extroverted, I have to say that half the fun is just letting the artificial small talk flow. Hey, maybe it'll be something, maybe it'll be nothing, but it can be really fun. Some of my most interesting conversations have been in China with random Chinese people...now talk about conversations where I invest time and energy and go absolutely nowhere!

People always think that I'm this amazingly social person, but the truth is, I can be quite shy. I used to wonder, and I still do, if I was really even that interesting or if I deserved other people's time. It's taken years of faking confidence to get to where I am.

Also, you never know who might become a good friend. I've talked to people with whom I have everything in common with, and we never actually get a friendship off the ground. Then there are people with whom I have nothing in common with, and well...I end up dating them. XD

Okay, good luck and don't doubt yourself too much. Just remember that you are fabulous and cool. :)

[troisroyaumes]

Oh, that's interesting. I've never actually enjoyed small talk; I'm usually at a loss for trying to come up with entertaining topics of conversation. It gets easier upon successive attempts, but I always feel like I'm focusing all of my attention on that first conversation because I have no idea how it will go.

I agree though that anyone could become a good friend. I think it's one of the reasons that I keep trying, cost-benefit or no, because I always do wonder if I might be missing out on a great friendship if I don't make the attempt.

Thanks for the advice! ^_^

[daisy-chan.livejournal.com]

Oh, god. I am SOOOO socially awkward it's not even funny. It's so much easier in fandom when you meet people over mutual squeeing. Normal people are so lame and intimidating >___<

Tari, do you want to be my facebook friend~~

[troisroyaumes]

So true, fandom makes it so much easier. XD

Of course, I'd love to be your facebook friend! Hm, do you know how to find me? (There's a msg of mine at the bottom of Stacy's wall.)

[troisroyaumes]

Oh, never mind, I think I found you. You're under Valdosta '08 right? (Just wanted to make sure before I clicked on "add to friends". XD)

[daisy-chan.livejournal.com]

That's me~~ ::friends back::

[lacewood]

Ahaha I can't even make small talk, I can NEVER THINK of A SINGLE THING to say. Basically, I'm a social retard. >_> I'm not even good enough at it to expect a payoff? XD

[troisroyaumes]

I can't think of anything to say either! Unless it is to bombard the other person with questions like, "Who are your favorite authors?" and "What's your favorite animal?" like one of those Internet questionnaires. >_< (This is why we need fandom friends...so we can be social retards together! XD;;)

[issen4.livejournal.com]

If I relax my wrists completely, wouldn't the shinai just flop?

Er, use your grip, with hand and fingers? I know nothing of kendo--but this is a problem I used to have with the guzheng. >_<

/totally irrelevant

[troisroyaumes]

Hm...that actually makes a certain amount of sense although I still have to think about the mechanics of it.

[flonnebonne]

I hate making small talk too, and since I don't drink I often feel pretty awkward at parties. But if it's the kind of party where you can play games (and not just drinking games) I usually enjoy myself. Murder mystery games, card games, board games, whatever. It just takes the pressure off everybody to think of totally random stuff to say.