Poetry plus musing

[tarigwaemir]

Haste Street on the Feast of St. Fulbert

Since so many of you have been posting poetry for National Poetry Month, I decided to follow suit.

For me, poetry is best appreciated when studied. My first reading of a poem usually leaves me blinking--my eye might catch on some lovely phrase but even the most verbose poetry lacks the solid flow of prose. The poem doesn't begin to mean anything to me until I read it backwards and inside out, dissect its meter (or its lack of one), recite it, repeat it, perhaps even memorize it. (Prof. McCann, who taught the Asian poetry writing seminar I audited in senior year, said that one ought to always read poetry aloud more than once.)

Anyway, I thought I would post poems that I've studied in class and found memorable for whatever reason. First up, Emily Dickinson.

Because I could not stop for Death--
He kindly stopped for me--
The Carriage held but just Ourselves--
And Immortality.

We slowly drove--He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility--

We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess--in the Ring--
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain--
We passed the Setting Sun--

Or rather--He passed us--
The Dews drew quivering and chill--
For only Gossamer, my Gown--
My Tippet--only Tulle--

We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground--
The Roof was scarcely visible--
The Cornice--in the Ground--

Since then--'tis Centuries--and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses' Heads
Were toward Eternity--

And on a similar theme, this Dickinson poem as well:

I died for Beauty--but was scarce
Adjusted in the Tomb
When One who died for Truth, was lain
In an adjoining Room--

He questioned softly “Why I failed”?
“For Beauty”, I replied--
“And I--for Truth--Themself are One--
We Brethren, are”, He said--

And so, as Kinsmen, met a Night--
We talked between the Rooms--
Until the Moss had reached our lips--
And covered up--our names--

Dickinson's frequent use of capitalization and dashes may look alien or quaint, but don't you think they convey the sound of the poem very well? I like how she ends both these poems on a dash; that lingering, unfinished pause evoking perhaps a contrast to the finality of death or an emphasis on its unknowability.

Finally told my mother about my needing to move out by the end of next month. I was half-afraid that she'd start fretting, but either I've gotten better at allaying her anxiety or she was very, very tired. I think the latter is the more likely possibility. Now I'm the one starting to fret. She talked a bit about what was going on, but I suspect that she didn't tell me everything. I suppose I'm not the only one to hold things back for fear of making the other person worry.

Anyway, I think (and Mother agrees) that I can probably afford to move into a studio. The rate at which I save money will have to decrease substantially, but I'll still be able to put aside some money each month, and that's really all I ask for. I did seriously consider going on another roommate search, but I really can't bear to room with someone that I haven't gotten to know already. Kate (my current roommate) and I aren't on bad terms, but I've made very little attempt to initiate conversations with her, and she hasn't made any overtures of friendship back. Mostly, we just ignore each other. Which would be a perfectly ideal situation if I weren't constantly paranoid that she might secretly dislike me. (The fact that she was the one who asked if we could move out by June doesn't exactly reassure me.) My whole situation with Kate reminds me of my (lack of) relationship with my freshman roommate, Eve, who was very nice to me but always in that polite way that one assumes towards casual acquaintances. I daresay that the fault was probably mine, since she wrote an entry on her LiveJournal talking about how she had trouble getting a sense of who I was from our first IM conversation. -_-

I mean, I don't think that one needs to be best friends with one's roommate, and sometimes it's better to have a little distance because home is where I go to relax and indulge in the bouts of solitude that are necessary for any introvert to retain their sanity. But it would be nice not to feel awkward and nervous whenever I try to initiate conversation with Kate because we talk so infrequently. >_> And to not have random bouts of paranoia about whether she might secretly hate me for forgetting to take out the kitchen trash or for possibly driving up our electricity bill by using a space heater or for taking more than six months to learn to turn the hot water tap completely off. Perhaps if I were better at making and keeping casual acquaintances to begin with, I would not feel so neurotic.

But getting back on topic, I think I should be able to afford living by myself, and the idea of moving into a smaller space is kind of comforting. Our spacious, empty living room unnerves me whenever I come home to a dark apartment. kaydeefalls wrote how her urban upbringing made her feel that a home should consist exactly of the space you need and nothing more, and I'm starting to understand how she feels. It's strange because I always liked having large rooms with plenty of empty floor space to sprawl on, but that living room just feels deserted. I never sprawl there because it doesn't have any furniture or lighting; it's just the great gap that I must traverse to reach the kitchen.

Yours &c.

Comments

[love_archived]

a home should consist exactly of the space you need and nothing more
It's taken three years of dorm living, one year of a too-big apartment, and two years of tiny lodgings, but I agree completely.

[troisroyaumes]

I don't like feeling too enclosed, but I also think a place ought to at least feel inhabited. I went to view a studio the day before yesterday, and it looked so cozy and secure by comparison.

[love_archived]

I wish lofts were more popular here in the heart of Tokyo. It almost makes one ready to commute a little longer just to live in a nice, cozy, quiet place.

[solidark.livejournal.com]

Maybe if you're afraid of being unnerved by the empty apartment you should get an, um, furry roommate? ^^;; A cat might not be the best solution because you won't have that apartment forever and cats don't like moving but maybe a hamster? They are nocturnal so he/she probably wouldn't mind being alone for the day. A friend of mine who also didn't want to be quite that alone when she got her first apartment also got a hamster (such a cute little thing!) and it really helped her.

I'll make those photos later, I'm just butting in to add my 2c ;)

[troisroyaumes]

Your two cents are always welcome! (And no need to rush on the photos. ^_^)

Many apartments don't allow pets, and I'm not sure I'd be very good at taking care of one, although a hamster does sound rather adorable. I do have a bamboo plant though; maybe I should add to it and make a larger "garden" when I move.

[schwimmerin.livejournal.com]

Yay Emily Dickinson! Sorry you feel morose :( I'm sure the move will go smoothly, you have experience with the Berkeley housing market now anyway.

I have a very friendly roommate at the moment and we talk a lot, which I don't mind, but sometimes I want to crawl away to my corner of the world. I usually get some time to myself once a day, though, so it's fine.

Also, unless your roommate is just really weird, I think she would have shared her annoyance with you if she really were irritated by those things. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt!

[troisroyaumes]

The morose mood is more me worrying about my mother than me worrying about moving, but I was also feeling whiny. ^_^ Yes, I think this move will be a lot less stressful than the first time, and I feel a lot more prepared than I did last year.

I don't know if I would have preferred a more friendly roommate necessarily, and I don't mind being left alone completely as long as I'm, well, sure of the other person, if that makes any sense. But I feel like I'm no closer to Kate than I was back in August, and I do acknowledge that a large part of it is my own inability to approach people. ;_; Anyway, she does tend to be a bit reserved herself: she expressed her annoyance about the tap through messages left on the sink (which I often couldn't read without my glasses on in the morning).

Hm, I wonder if people react to me in the same way. (Being paranoid that I don't like them because I'm so withdrawn.)

[uminohikari.livejournal.com]

We were just analyzing Dickinson's poetry in class today, and we used those two poems. XD;;

And! I wanted to thank you lots for the advice aobut blast 2--it WORKED! :D *makes worshipful noises*

[troisroyaumes]

You're welcome! XD

[derlirum.livejournal.com]

I love Dickinson's poetry. The simplicity and the depth of her poems are absolutely amazing.

I agree with you, too, on your approach to poems. I'm the same way when I read them -- I really have to study them in order to get a good grasp; otherwise, I'll overlook an important line, meaning, word, etc.

[troisroyaumes]

Glad to know I'm not the only person who appreciates poetry through analysis! ^_^ I like how Dickinson constructs her poems so beautifully; each stanza an elegant little bite but with a rush of flavor.