Another numbered post

[tarigwaemir]

Stanley Hall on the Feast of St. John Gualbert

1. My mother is visiting for two weeks. She arrived on Wednesday, and we promptly spent the rest of the day plus all of Thursday morning arguing. I was both startled and hurt--unfortunately, I lash out when I feel hurt--and I spent considerable time wondering why I couldn't control my temper and why I was being so sensitive to her criticism. My mother manages to provoke me more easily than anyone else in the world, but one would have thought that I'd be used to it by now. I suspect that it's because I'm always sensitive to criticism from people I care about, and although my mother is for the most part loving and supportive, I do feel that I've spent my whole life so far striving for her approval. I've learned how to accept criticism gracefully from other people but not my mother. I suppose it didn't help that I spent much of the time leading up to her visit worrying about how to convince her that I was doing well on my own. (She has little faith in my ability to take care of myself, at least according to her standards.) I didn't anticipate just how dissatisfied she would be with everything, and I definitely overreacted. I don't think my mother realizes just how easily she can hurt me; she seems to assume that I just get angry because I don't want to listen to her.

Anyway, by the time I returned on Thursday, my mother had backed down, and I correspondingly became much less prickly, so everything has been going well. We even managed not to argue when I came home later than expected from lab last night. I haven't had such good meals or such a regular sleep cycle in a long while! Mother's been imparting culinary advice to me as well, which has been rather useful. She also ate an omelette I made her for breakfast this morning and deemed it delicious. ^_^

My P.I. told me gently that she thinks I should step up the speed on my project, which makes me feel even more paranoid about not working hard enough. >_> I mean, I haven't been slacking off, but I certainly could put in longer hours--many grad students do--so now I've resolved to do my best to get more done and, more importantly, work more efficiently. Well, I am feeling more motivated now that I'm not just working on the same roadblock I've been attempting to get around since I joined the lab in April, but attempting to push the project forward via different methods.

2. Issue 3 of India and the Conundrum is up, featuring cover art for Via Misadventure drawn by the lovely milchstrasse. Note to self: finish writing chapter 6! And actually write chapter 7 too, while I'm at it. I have an idea for fifthmus but need to work out the premise some more in my head; I think the only way to really write an interesting story would be to push it in a possibly unpleasant direction, but: (1) am I willing and (2) how far should I go? Oh, maybe I should just give up and write a dialogue for one of the other prompts; it would be easier to write but a lot less interesting. (I would not tolerate this sort of defeatist thinking in any other endeavor, but somehow I allow myself to get lazy about fiction-writing. Yet another reason why I was not meant to be a fiction writer.)

3. Steve and I went to see Lucia di Lammermoor, starring the sublime Nathalie Dessay, at the San Francisco Opera last Wednesday. I spent several days listening to the EMI recording with Callas and di Stefano singing the roles of Lucia and Edgardo, which meant that my ears were already primed to a high standard. I must say though, I think I preferred Dessay's interpretation of the role. Heresy!--to imply that someone could sing better than the incomparable Callas! But I liked the fact that Dessay's Lucia in the first act was a playful girl rather than a morbid one; making up fancies about ghosts to scare her maid rather than being genuinely superstitious. Dessay's voice was superb, each note clear and beautiful, which stood at stark contrast to the rest of the cast who often had trouble projecting over the orchestra. Her interpretation of the famous Mad Scene had fewer vocal pyrotechnics, but I did appreciate the sheer eerieness of her coloratura. It helped of course that she was an excellent actress; you could really see her deteriorate. The review I'd read of the production mentioned that the SF Opera had decided to perform the scene with the glass harmonica instead of the conventional flute accompanying Lucia in her cadenza (as per Donizetti's original orchestration), and it definitely heightened the unreality of the scene, lent it an almost Shakespearean quality. Steve mentioned how the opera reminded him of Greek drama: the assumption that one is not meant to see real life mirrored on the operatic stage, but rather the purpose is to navigate the emotional psyche. The chorus in both media providing commentary, and the almost ritualistic, pseudo-sacred aspect to the act of watching opera.

I loved the minimalism of the set and the use of lighting. At one point, Enrico, Lucia's brother, sits at a table, his head in his hands, like a Rembrandt portrait, while Lucia is outside at the other end of the stage, framed by the full moon. Also, the scarlet bed of flowers from which Lucia rises when the wedding guests realize she has gone insane and killed Arturo. Whole mood very Gothic: I kept getting reminded of Wuthering Heights, with the moors and windswept trees as landscape and the Heathcliff-esque appearance of the passionate, brooding Edgardo.

I had mixed opinions about the rest of the cast; as I mentioned, they had trouble projecting over the orchestra, and some had trouble enunciating. The reviews I read were rather critical of Edgardo, and at first I was inclined to share their opinion, although I think they gave him too little credit for his emotional subtlety: it's true his voice was bold and energetic rather than sweet-toned, but he wasn't simply belting out at forte without any change in expression. He was true to Edgardo, I felt, in his reckless, self-destructive passion, and nowhere did it become more clear than in his two arias of the last act. It moved us to tears. Edgardo stabbing himself and gasping, "O bell'alma inammmorata" for the last time as he reaches for the dead Lucia: that is opera.

I think I want to read the Sir Walter Scott novel that the opera is based on.

4. Alphabet blogging: sub_divided asked about kendo. Well, I haven't talked about kendo in a while because I haven't gone to practice since last September. >_> I feel rather guilty about not having gone to practice, but it's difficult to go when I usually don't get out of lab until after practice has already begun. I also am horribly out of shape, which makes me reluctant to go since I know that I've deteriorated to the point where I would have a lot of trouble keeping up. Of course, the only solution is to go and keep going until I'm back at my previous level of fitness, but I've been very lazy...and guilty about being lazy. >_< I think also the problem is that going to kendo involves a lot of commitment, not just going to practice, but getting to know the dojo and actively training for tournaments and promotion exams. To be honest, I don't feel confident about making that sort of commitment at this moment in my life. I do intend to go back though once I feel that I can reasonably prioritize it in my life again without feeling overwhelmed; I promised that much to myself.

twelve asked about (song) lyrics. I don't usually pay attention to lyrics when I listen to music, which may be why I generally prefer nonvocal music. Major exceptions: opera and Korean pop.

I have trouble remembering quotes in general, so I don't usually remember exact lines from opera libretti that I like. But one that I do have memorized is from my favorite opera, Turandot, when Calaf asks Liu why she helped his father, and she answers very simply, "Perché un di' nella Reggia...m'hai sorriso." Translation: "Because one day, in the palace...you smiled at me." *_*

As for Korean pop, I actually end up paying more attention to the lyrics because I usually listen to a lot of Korean pop for the express purpose of having something new to sing at karaoke. ^_^ I'm afraid that a lot of my prejudice against DBSK and Bae Seulgi stem from their lyrics. (I also think they lack any singing talent, but so do a lot of other Korean pop singers whom I enjoy listening to anyway because their songs are catchy. For the record, I'm not very elitist when it comes to Korean lyrics because my vocabulary level in Korean is not much better than a middle-schooler or perhaps an extremely idiotic high-schooler. If I think it sounds stupid and ridiculous, that means it usually is very, very dumb.) That being said, I get easily charmed by lyrics that seem idiosyncratic. E.g., Alin's "Question", which is...kind of like a very emo resolution not to commit suicide, now that I think about it, but oh well, I still liked the song:

먼훗날 눈감는날 뒤돌아보며 잃어버린 날찾을수있을까
순간의 아픔들에 감사해하며 아픔들을 시린 아픔들을 담을수있을까
힘든삶이 날 휘감고있다 하여도 마지막순간 나는날 놓지않아

아름다운 기억속에 눈물흘리며 나의기억들을 지울수있을까
세상의 오라함에 고개저으며 그렇게날 정말 그렇게 날 버릴수있을까
힘든삶이 날 휘감고있다 하여도 마지막순간 나는날 놓지않아*

타버린 나한줌의 재로 남겨져 하늘에하늘위로 사라진대도*
지나버린 모든게 숨이진대도 그렇게도 모든것이 끝난대도*
타버린 나한줌의 재로 남겨져 하늘에하늘위로 사라진대도
지나버린 모든게 숨이진대도 그렇게도 모든것이 끝난대도

A fly-by-the-seat translation of the starred lines: "Even if I become smothered by my weary life, at the last moment, I won't let go of myself...even if I become nothing more than a fistful of ash that disappears beyond the sky, even if everything that passes will expire, even if everything ends that way."

Another song whose lyrics I like is "그대 보세요", one of the theme songs from the Korean drama, Hwang Jin-i. (Why haven't more people watched this drama yet? Life of famous, talented courtesan, known for her unparalleled mastery of music, poetry and dance, in her struggle to choose between love and her vocation as an artist! Beautiful costumes, amazing script, wonderful acting by Ha Jiwon who also starred in Damo, plus an unexpected end to the main love story...so far only worldserpent and clocklike on my friends list has watched it, to my knowledge.)

매일 그댈 생각합니다 지난 옛일 추억합니다
눈을 감고 부르면 곁에 있는 듯 그댄 나를 웃게 합니다

기억하고 있나요 슬프도록 아름답던 그 시절
못다했던 우리 사랑

그대 보세요 그리움 꽃잎에 수 놓으니
보세요 어느 고운 봄날 흩날리거든
그대 못 잊어 헤매어 도는 내 맘 인줄 아세요 그대

기억하고 있나요 슬프도록 아름답던 그 시절
못다했던 우리사랑

그대 보세요 눈물로 하늘에 시를 쓰니
보세요 어느 푸른 여름 비 내리거든
그대 그리워 목놓아 우는 내 맘 인줄 아세요

나를 위해 슬퍼 말아요

보세요 내 사랑 잎새에 물들이니
보세요 어느 마른 가을 단풍 들거든
그대 생각에 붉게 멍들은 내 맘 인줄 아세요

그대 보세요 바람결에 안부 전해두니
보세요 어느 시린 겨울 눈 내리거든
어디에선가 잘 있노라는 인사 인줄 아세요 그대

The rough and really inadequate translation I made while trying to learn this song:

Every day I think of you. I remember the distant past.
If I close my eyes and call your name, I laugh as if you were by my side.

Do you remember those times, so beautiful as to be tragic,
our unfinished love?

Please look, my love -- the grief I embroider into flower petals --
please look -- scattered on a fair spring day
know it to be my confused heart that cannot forget you

Do you remember those times, so beautiful as to be tragic,
our unfinished love

Please look, my love -- the poem I write in the sky with my tears --
please look -- falling as rain on a blue summer day
know it to be my mourning heart that cannot let go of you

Don't be sad because of me.

Please look -- my love dyeing the leaves --
please look -- as the trees change color on a dry autumn day
know it to be my heart bruised red from the thought of you

Please look, my love -- the greeting I send with the wind --
please look -- as the snow falls on a cold winter day
know it to be my wish that you be well somewhere

I could probably go on and try to recall my favorite lyrics from the few English songs where I actually listen to the lyrics but that will take another hour. ^_^

schwimmerin asked about memories. A recent memory: walking home through Sproul Plaza and coming across two girls practicing taiko drumming in the air. They held drumsticks but had no drums. The synchronicity of their motions becoming a silent dance.

A college memory: schwimmerin and I singing songs from The Phantom of the Opera at the top of our lungs while walking back along the Charles River from watching the Fourth of July fireworks near M.I.T.

A high school memory: staring up at the ceiling of tryogeru's house at three in the morning with tryogeru and lush_rimbaud, bathed in the blue light of the television after having watched three movies in a row, imagining that its odd tilt meant that the world was shifting around us.

A not-so-recent memory: climbing into the old, overgrown brick garage of the neighbor's house through the window with Jing and building a little shrine made out of bricks and decorated with thorn-covered twigs and dried flowers.

An early memory: playing "Spider" on the jungle gym with Stacey, one of us climbing about with our eyes closed while trying to catch the other.

5. magicnoire posted a TV Tropes meme quite a while ago:

If you want to play, comment here, and I will assign you three random(-ish) tropes from the TV Tropes Wiki. Pick one, and either:

A) Write a story based on that trope -- any fandom or pairing you want, no minimum length, just have fun with it.

B) Write meta about that trope (in general or in a particular fandom).

Post your story or meta to your own journal, or wherever else you want. Comment here with a link to what you've written.

Step right up and get your tropes here!

Beleaguered Childhood Friend: The best example of this trope that I can think of is Bertie Wooster and Bingo Little. For those of you who haven't indulged in reading Wodehouse yet, whenever Bingo is in love or in trouble (usually both), he asks Bertie for help--or rather, asks Bertie to ask Jeeves for help--and always invokes that one phrase to which Bertie seems completely helpless, "But we went to school together." Why you should never place too much emphasis on school ties. Of course, Bingo never commits murder, so it's a much lighter version of the trope. I do think that it makes me think well of Bertie: I believe in helping one's friends even at one's personal expense, although it's easier said than done. The implicit criticism in this trope is that the childhood friend is taking advantage of a relationship that was never very solid in the first place, but I think it takes a lot of courage to do the foolish thing and let yourself be used.

Disposable Woman: I don't actively dislike this trope either, but it gets irritating if I see it pop up too many times. Probably my main problem with Naruto. The friend who was lending me the episodes pointed out (rather gleefully, ugh) that all the female characters in the chuunin exam were essentially useless at fighting, compared to the male characters, and as much as I liked the female characters of Naruto, I had to admit, he wasn't entirely wrong. I think it gets worse in other shounen manga, though I can't think of any examples at the moment. I do enjoy fanfiction that "gives a voice" to these otherwise purposeless characters. I also disagree with the article which includes Hardy's Tess as an example of this trope: Tess is the protagonist, so she isn't purely a device to motivate the main character but rather the focus for all the suffering in the novel. A subtle difference and in the end, just as sexist. Hm, if you think about it, Tsukushi in Hana Yori Dango also goes through a lot of unnecessary suffering as well--and is constantly saved by Doumyoji or others of the F4--but it grates less (well, depending on your personality) because she at least tries to be self-sufficient and fight back.

Innocence Virgin on Stupidity: I hate this trope. I hate it especially in fanfiction, where I've encountered it most. (All the x-takes-y's-virginity badfic I read in my early days of Gundam Wing fandom! >_<) The only time when I will tolerate this trope in my fiction consumption is when the seemingly stupid virgin turns the tables on their would-be seducer. -_- Though now that I think about it, I've read a fair number of manga with the variation where "s/he is kind of dense and oblivious to the opposite sex, and the romantic interest loves him/her for it though s/he finds it exasperating." I actually don't mind that, although I suppose the difference is that it focuses less on the character's lack of experience with (romance/)sex and more on their personality type. -_-

6. I like the priest at Newman Hall; he's a good confessor. Confession is a ritual of personal catharsis (compare to theater, which is a ritual of communal catharsis), and it's the most cathartic when you sense acceptance without judgment. The priest is not an arbiter between you and God--though pre-Vatican II theology would have it so--but a witness.

I'm always a little embarrassed to admit that I enjoy reading the blogs of people I don't know well. Steve says that it's a sign of my voyeuristic streak; he is right. I spend considerable time browsing through Facebook for blog links. >_> In the same vein, I like watching people on subways--I try not to stare, but I often do--and eavesdropping on their conversations. The easiest way to find inspiration for a story: observe a random stranger and wonder why they happen to be passing by you at that very moment in time.

All right, that's enough for today.

Yours &c.

Comments

[uminohikari.livejournal.com]

Hwang Jin-i! I've only seen a few episodes, sadly, but what I've seen is awesome

But in Naruto, Sakura does learn to stand on her own feet? And also Tsunade and Temari don't rely on others..

[troisroyaumes]

YES, SOMEONE ELSE HAS WATCHED IT. XD

I have to admit, I only watched up to the chuunin exam...I should have made that disclaimer. And it's not so much that the Disposable Woman can't stand on her own feet; it's just that her own development is not important to the plot and her purpsoe is to fuel the (usually male) protagonist's development. I agree that Temari wouldn't fall in this position (though I was annoyed that she was awesome but still lost to a male; couldn't Kishimoto have let one female character win against a male opponent?!) but I think Sakura does for the episode of Naruto that I did watch.

[worldserpent.livejournal.com]

I don't knoooow why more people don't watch Hwang Jin Yi, because they REALLY should! I recced it in my LJ, for what it's worth. enkiae (don't know if you know him, but he's learning Korean now and sometimes enjoys watching Kdrama) got me to watch it.

[troisroyaumes]

Ooh, another person out in LJ-dom that's watched the drama? Hurrah!

I wish I knew the magic trick to persuading people to watch the series I like. Maybe it means that I need to be less lazy and take screencaps. >_>;;

[worldserpent.livejournal.com]

Indeed, take screencaps! The graphics for HJY are truly stunning, so much so that I often see it used when people are demonstrating those HD TVs.

[athousandwinds.livejournal.com]

That's the main reason why I love Bertie to bits. He's kind. He's not the smartest or the most useful friend to have around, but he comes through when he's needed, or Jeeves does, and he's always willing to help.

Tag me? I'd like to do this meme, I love TV Tropes.

[troisroyaumes]

Sorry I got to this so late! Here are three tropes for you:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BewareTheNiceOnes
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StableTimeLoop
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BattleButler

Looking forward to your answers. ^_^