Daily dose of Camus
Aug. 21st, 2002 09:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tarigwaemirAd Mundo Exteriore,
Okay, I wasn't going to write any entries for a while, but I just wanted to write a quick note here. Yesterday night, just as I was dropping off to sleep, I had an epiphany. I was moaning and groaning to myself about college applications and research projects and the rest of my scientific career, when it occurred to me that if I knew that I was going to die in a month, then I wouldn't have to worry at all. In fact, I wouldn't have to apply to college, since I'd be dying anyway, or work on an Intel project, since I'd be dying anyway, or even think about a career, since I'd be dying anyway. Morbid and stupid, yes I know, and I like having a purpose to my life, so this was only a moment of self-pity. But when I realized this, that I'd be liberated if I knew that I had to die in the next few weeks, I suddenly understood what the heck Camus was talking about with his whole "Absurd Freedom" chapter. Now, I understood most of it before, but only in an intellectual sense. The absurd has a lot to do with facing the inevitability of your own death, an aspect that I usually ignored because it was a little bit confusing. But now it makes sense. By living with the absurd, by living with the knowledge that you will die and your life will not matter, you are liberated from the burden of living your life! You are freed from making plans for the future, freed from the desire to seek happiness, freed from the social expectations that tell you to move forward and onward and ahead with living. Instead, you are forced to remain in the present, anguished and uncertain, but freed nevertheless. Once you realize that you are not truly free, you are liberated from the burdens of exercising that freedom. Once you realize that you must die, you are liberated from the burdens of living life.
It's awfully depressing and I don't agree with Camus at all, but I finally realized what he was trying to say. So in a paradox worthy of Camus himself, I'm really happy about this depressing epiphany. Go figure.
...Tari
Okay, I wasn't going to write any entries for a while, but I just wanted to write a quick note here. Yesterday night, just as I was dropping off to sleep, I had an epiphany. I was moaning and groaning to myself about college applications and research projects and the rest of my scientific career, when it occurred to me that if I knew that I was going to die in a month, then I wouldn't have to worry at all. In fact, I wouldn't have to apply to college, since I'd be dying anyway, or work on an Intel project, since I'd be dying anyway, or even think about a career, since I'd be dying anyway. Morbid and stupid, yes I know, and I like having a purpose to my life, so this was only a moment of self-pity. But when I realized this, that I'd be liberated if I knew that I had to die in the next few weeks, I suddenly understood what the heck Camus was talking about with his whole "Absurd Freedom" chapter. Now, I understood most of it before, but only in an intellectual sense. The absurd has a lot to do with facing the inevitability of your own death, an aspect that I usually ignored because it was a little bit confusing. But now it makes sense. By living with the absurd, by living with the knowledge that you will die and your life will not matter, you are liberated from the burden of living your life! You are freed from making plans for the future, freed from the desire to seek happiness, freed from the social expectations that tell you to move forward and onward and ahead with living. Instead, you are forced to remain in the present, anguished and uncertain, but freed nevertheless. Once you realize that you are not truly free, you are liberated from the burdens of exercising that freedom. Once you realize that you must die, you are liberated from the burdens of living life.
It's awfully depressing and I don't agree with Camus at all, but I finally realized what he was trying to say. So in a paradox worthy of Camus himself, I'm really happy about this depressing epiphany. Go figure.
...Tari
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(no subject)
Date: 2002-08-22 12:43 pm (UTC)I don't have to leave my dreamscape, since I'd be dying anyway (in 1999), I don't have to change clothes, since I'd be dying anyway, I'll just lie here languidly, since I'd be dying anyway.
Then again, if it works for Kakyou-sama, it'd work for anyone.
PS. If all of a sudden you find out that i'm in the hospital because I've fallen into a deep coma, you'll know why...
O.o