Stream of consciousness
Apr. 1st, 2004 05:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tarigwaemirAd Mundo Exteriore,
Spring break has been pretty enjoyable, relaxing and mostly unproductive so far. I'm nearly finished with expos and chemistry reading (no progress made on the "recommended" chemistry practice problems, which despite their status are more mandatory than optional if you want to feel on top of the material). May just delay my return to Cambridge to Sunday, which means only one afternoon to do the math problem sets. But, eh, have stopped caring about linear algebra.
Our sensei and official coach is coming from Japan next week, and again, there's going to be daily practice for four days, and quite possibly ritual dinners of hospitality--oh, these stupid intricacies of host-guest, teacher-student relations; some days I hate you, Confucius--so I think I should be a little more frantic about getting work done ahead of time. But being at home is really like returning to some sort of bubble where the outside world is very clearly the outside world, and time moves at the measured pace of ocean waves on the seashore during the afternoon tide. There is a slight gold-and-white haze that drapes the silent house, and I feel at times narcoleptic and at times perfectly balanced on a careful serenity (this used to be more of a normal state of being, until I went to college and become neurotic twenty-four hours a day instead of just seven).
I'm in a particularly wordy mood because I'm sleepy, and I get terribly talkative when my mind is this relaxed. I'm not actually all that quiet a person, and silence, especially mental silence, has been an exercise in self-discipline. I went to a lecture by a Jesuit priest and psychologist yesterday evening (managed to follow it despite the advanced Korean vocabulary), and he kept emphasizing the need for silence. The Jesuits embrace meditation and other strict contemplative disciplines; the instructions of St. Ignatius mirror Zen practices to a bewildering degree of detail (reference can be found in The Seven-Storey Mountain, by Thomas Merton). I find the advice strangely comforting because I think, yes, this is what's gone from my life, those moments of sitting cross-legged on the hardwood floor, in a darkened room, when I can't go to sleep, allowing my thoughts to grow quiet for a while. I love my cozy dorm room, but I have to admit that something about its smallness makes my thoughts grow crowded and frenzied--I get this impression of being tuned at a very high pitch, a string at its highest possible tension--and my natural tendency towards neurosis tips me off-balance.
Have watched several movies: The Passion of Christ (heh, just in time for Holy Week), Friend (a Korean gangster movie that was largely unintelligible due to the heavy Pusan dialect used throughout) and My Love Ssagaji (a Korean romantic comedy made along the lines of My Sassy Girl, but with slightly cruder humor--the female lead was the same actress who played Chae-ok in Damo). Would bother to review in more detail, but I probably should return to studying chemistry soon.
Oh, and the real reason why I started writing: I got offered a CGR internship! The lab happens to be the one where I enjoyed my interview the most (i.e. did not come out feeling squashed or dumb). The people there were also the ones who asked me if I wanted to do my honors thesis at that lab, so I have this humongous sense of relief that the next three years of my life will not require further frantic searching for an appropriate mentor. What incredible luck! ^_^ Finally, no more needless worrying over summer plans. On the other hand, needless worrying about financial aid is scheduled to commence this Sunday evening promptly after I finish those math problems.
...Tari
Spring break has been pretty enjoyable, relaxing and mostly unproductive so far. I'm nearly finished with expos and chemistry reading (no progress made on the "recommended" chemistry practice problems, which despite their status are more mandatory than optional if you want to feel on top of the material). May just delay my return to Cambridge to Sunday, which means only one afternoon to do the math problem sets. But, eh, have stopped caring about linear algebra.
Our sensei and official coach is coming from Japan next week, and again, there's going to be daily practice for four days, and quite possibly ritual dinners of hospitality--oh, these stupid intricacies of host-guest, teacher-student relations; some days I hate you, Confucius--so I think I should be a little more frantic about getting work done ahead of time. But being at home is really like returning to some sort of bubble where the outside world is very clearly the outside world, and time moves at the measured pace of ocean waves on the seashore during the afternoon tide. There is a slight gold-and-white haze that drapes the silent house, and I feel at times narcoleptic and at times perfectly balanced on a careful serenity (this used to be more of a normal state of being, until I went to college and become neurotic twenty-four hours a day instead of just seven).
I'm in a particularly wordy mood because I'm sleepy, and I get terribly talkative when my mind is this relaxed. I'm not actually all that quiet a person, and silence, especially mental silence, has been an exercise in self-discipline. I went to a lecture by a Jesuit priest and psychologist yesterday evening (managed to follow it despite the advanced Korean vocabulary), and he kept emphasizing the need for silence. The Jesuits embrace meditation and other strict contemplative disciplines; the instructions of St. Ignatius mirror Zen practices to a bewildering degree of detail (reference can be found in The Seven-Storey Mountain, by Thomas Merton). I find the advice strangely comforting because I think, yes, this is what's gone from my life, those moments of sitting cross-legged on the hardwood floor, in a darkened room, when I can't go to sleep, allowing my thoughts to grow quiet for a while. I love my cozy dorm room, but I have to admit that something about its smallness makes my thoughts grow crowded and frenzied--I get this impression of being tuned at a very high pitch, a string at its highest possible tension--and my natural tendency towards neurosis tips me off-balance.
Have watched several movies: The Passion of Christ (heh, just in time for Holy Week), Friend (a Korean gangster movie that was largely unintelligible due to the heavy Pusan dialect used throughout) and My Love Ssagaji (a Korean romantic comedy made along the lines of My Sassy Girl, but with slightly cruder humor--the female lead was the same actress who played Chae-ok in Damo). Would bother to review in more detail, but I probably should return to studying chemistry soon.
Oh, and the real reason why I started writing: I got offered a CGR internship! The lab happens to be the one where I enjoyed my interview the most (i.e. did not come out feeling squashed or dumb). The people there were also the ones who asked me if I wanted to do my honors thesis at that lab, so I have this humongous sense of relief that the next three years of my life will not require further frantic searching for an appropriate mentor. What incredible luck! ^_^ Finally, no more needless worrying over summer plans. On the other hand, needless worrying about financial aid is scheduled to commence this Sunday evening promptly after I finish those math problems.
...Tari
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-01 09:21 pm (UTC)O.o
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-02 09:20 am (UTC)If you mean April 10th however, that's great! (But what's happened to Anime Boston?)
...Tari
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-02 04:25 pm (UTC)O.o
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-02 08:02 am (UTC)On other notes: I have no more graphics motivation. Didn't help that I was cut off from the online community last night as I tried to do something, which I gave up on because I just don't want to anymore. .__.;; Anyway. >___> I need some people to bring me back to the graphics world... No, I said that wrong, I'm still in the graphics world... I just need to get myself back participating in it. My internet better be back up .__.; AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT?! MY EMAIL IS GOING INSANE ON ME! RR SAYS MY PASSWORD IS WRONG! WRONG?! WTH!!! I've had the same password for 3 years and now its suddenly wrong! !!!!! STuPID STUPID COMPANY!! WTF HAPPENED?! And it also ... hm, why am I ranting your comments.... ::goes to rant on her own LJ and makes sure Tari comments::